


i love you, sleepyhead

by clockworkcheetah



Series: Of Fingertips and Ribcages [7]
Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Asexual Dirk Gently, Asexual Todd Brotzman, Conversations, Cuddling & Snuggling, Drinking, Established Relationship, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Neediness, Pararibulitis (Dirk Gently), Separation Anxiety, Texting, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:21:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28152294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clockworkcheetah/pseuds/clockworkcheetah
Summary: Todd hasn't seen his parents for a while. And he owes them a lot.
Relationships: Todd Brotzman/Dirk Gently
Series: Of Fingertips and Ribcages [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1887031
Comments: 18
Kudos: 32





	i love you, sleepyhead

**Author's Note:**

> the last part of the ofar series (that wasn't really meant to be a series but hey)  
> thank you to everyone who left kudos and comments <3 (i often reread them)
> 
> title from the lanterns on the lake song with the same name (the whole oversleeping/sleepiness/characters always in freaking bed wasn't suppose to be an intentional theme but im gonna pretend it was. totes intentional. i just saw todd and thought that man needs sleep)

Todd, for all intents and purposes, did not like flying. He also did not like weddings. And yet, here he was, at an airport. For a wedding. 

In all honesty, he didn't have to go- nobody was forcing him, and, whilst news of his lies never reached his extended family- according to his parents- he couldn't confirm that the truth would spill, and he would probably get murdered by them. Plus, he was on the FBI most wanted list a couple of years ago. That seems like a dampener for a wedding. 

Not to mention, the wedding was in the middle of a case right now. Well, maybe not the middle- Dirk seemed confident the case should be wrapped up in a few days- it was coming together surprisingly smoothly compared to their usual cases. 

No, he was going for two reasons. One, it was his cousin's wedding. She was close to his age (most of his family were much younger or older), so they had gotten along fairly well. And she was pretty family-minded, so it was only fair. 

The second was his parents. His parents that he had screwed over in the worst way possible, and he had not seen in person since Amanda got sick. They had spoken several times over the phone when Todd was FBI-free. It was awkward, and he did confess to the lying.

That was some time ago.

Their conversations started off very stilted- Todd could feel his parents’ disappointment radiating through the phone- but gradually loosened to something almost like forgiveness and pride when he tells them what he's been up to. Not complete forgiveness, though. It wasn't something that could just be swept under the rug. 

Todd thinks talking about the Agency, cases (to an extent- how do you explain half the shit the happens on a case?), and his friends have eased them up. Probably because they're fully aware he had given up on his life for years. 

Saying he's in a relationship has probably helped, too. 

He talks about Dirk often to them. Sometimes he worries he talks too much about him- nothing Blackwing related- that's not something his parents need to know about- just he's a British guy, who's kind of weird, but friendly and he makes Todd want to be better. His parents, especially his mom, are intrigued by the enigma that is Dirk Gently. 

Dirk's a little disappointed, but there's a tiny trace of relief too, that he won't be meeting Todd's parents this time around. He's twitchy right now. Restless. 

"Dirk," Farah says, tiredly. Whilst it's not _early_ in the morning, Farah was the one who drove them up to the airport. "You're making me nervous just by looking at you." 

"Sorry, sorry!" Dirk replies, sheepishly. "It's just... you know. _This_." 

Todd isn't sure if Dirk's referring to him travelling alone, or that airports are crowded. Dirk likes company, but he doesn't like crowds. 

Currently, the three are sitting in a cafe. They arrived early enough to stop somewhere, before Todd needs to take off. Todd clears his throat and squeezes Dirk's arm. 

"Dirk, I'll be fine." Todd says. "The flight's only a few hours, and I've taken my medication. As long as I don't stress myself out, it'll be fine, ok?" 

He's starting to wish he did take up Amanda's offer with taking the Rowdy van. He doesn't like the Rowdy Three, but at least they could deal with attacks. And he could hang out with his sister. 

Dirk doesn't look particularly convinced, but he nods. "Ok." 

"I wish I could've taken you guys," Todd says, to shift the topic slightly away from 'Todd will be stuck in a tiny, metal can for several hours'. "My cousin's all about the family shit. She'd like you. My whole family would." 

"You really think so?" Dirk asks, pleased. Todd nods, feeling a little shy from Dirk's gaze. 

"You big softie." Farah says. Her tone is teasing, but she looks touched. She's a sap for compliments, as much as the rest of them. 

Todd rolls his eyes, smiling. "I'm redacting future compliments if you make fun of me." 

Farah and Dirk both laugh. 

"I guarantee, Todd," Farah says, trying to stifle her laugh. "At the wedding, you'll drink and phone us both to say you love us." 

"No, I wouldn't!" Todd splutters. That's a lie, they all know it, but Todd has a small amount of dignity to protect. 

"You do!" Dirk has a big, delighted smile on his face. "Except you do it in person, usually. If we were also going to the wedding, you'd go all cuddle bug on us, too." 

Todd's beet red, he's sure. "I would not!" 

"You so do, Todd! You're always affectionate when you're either drunk or sleepy- you absolutely cannot hold your alcohol. God forbid when you're both at the same time." 

Todd huffs, but says nothing, because they are completely right. He still remembers when he and Farah had to share motel rooms, and how him and Dirk wake up together. He accepts he is a notorious sleep-cuddler. Todd checks his watch. 

"Shit! I should probably like, leave now." 

They make it to the gate, with a little time to spare, so Todd can give Farah a quick hug and Dirk a kiss. 

"I could go with you." Dirk says. "Smuggle me in, somehow." 

"Dirk, I'm only gone for the weekend." Todd says, gently. "And, you've got a case to solve." 

He gives both their shoulders a pat. "Don't have too much fun without me." 

"We couldn't if you're not there." Farah smiles. "See you Monday." 

"See you." 

"See you, Todd." Dirk murmurs. 

Todd kisses his cheek. "I'll call and text, ok? You'll be just fine." 

He's only going to be gone a couple days. But Dirk- and himself- are terribly needy humans. 

He gives them one last wave, before he power-walks through the gate. There are no problems, as he settles on the plane. He puffs out his cheeks, all hummed up on restless energy. Dirk has rubbed off on him. Todd pulls out his phone. 

_\- on plane now_

His phone buzzes less than a minute later. 

_\- have fun!! and_ _i_ _miss you :(_

_\- same here_

They text a few more times together, before Todd pulls out his headphones and dozes off to some music for the rest of the flight. 

He arrives at his destination without any incident a few hours later. Todd feels groggy as all hell, but he texts Dirk to let him know he's ok and landed safely. He receives a very relived response. Making his way through the gate, he feels a rapid increase of nervousness. Facing his parents is looming and he feels a horrid sense of unease. 

_It's fine, they forgive you. Stop overthinking it._ Todd thinks to himself. 

He spots his parents pretty easily enough. They look the same, if just older- more lines, greying hair. He took after his mom a lot- same eyes. There's a twinge of disappointment that Amanda doesn't seem to be with them. 

He grips his suitcase handle like a lifeline, really wishing Dirk was here. He plasters on a smile as he approaches them. 

"Hey, mom. Hey, dad." Todd says. He sounds awkward. _It's fine. You're fine._

"Hi sweetheart." 

His mom wastes no time sweeping him into a hug. She's only a little shorter than him. Todd hugs back, instantly. Todd can feel his dad squeeze his shoulder. 

His mom pulls back, to cup his face, giving him the onceover. To be fair, aside from photos he texts them, they haven't seen him in person since Amanda got sick. 

That was over half a decade ago. 

"You look well." His mom concedes, releasing his face. 

"Th-thanks." Todd supposes he does. He makes an effort nowadays. 

"C'mon, let's get you home." His dad says, taking his suitcase. 

Todd feels very small and young, and not like he's in his mid-thirties, with his life mostly together. He lets his dad take the suitcase; he isn't sure where he stands with them right now. 

"Is Amanda here?" He asks. 

"At home." His dad says. "Her... friends dropped her off, just when we were about to leave. She was pretty tired, so she didn't come." 

"Do you know her friends? They seem... well. They seem like her kind of people. And it's great Amanda's able to travel and feel like she can have a life again. But, they're an interesting bunch." His mom says. 

"I mean, I don't know them very well." Todd admits. "But they do care about Amanda and they're..." mildly terrifying is what he wants to say. "A lot. But well-intentioned." 

His mom seems satisfied enough. Todd knows she going ask Amanda for actual details, though. God knows how Amanda will explain Beast to her. 

They lapse into a silence as they walk to the car. Second-hand, Todd guesses. It looks old, worn. Todd slides into the backseat. He isn't comfortable in the silence, but he isn't sure what to talk about. And he doesn't want to address the elephant in the room just yet, and every conversation topic seems to lead back to it. 

"How's the Agency?" His mom asks. 

Todd perks up. If there's anything he's enthusiastic about, it's the Agency. "Yeah! It's been going great. Farah and Dirk are doing a case right now." 

"And they'll be OK without you?" 

"Farah's the most capable person I've met, so they'll be fine. Dirk wanted to go to the wedding, though. But, y'know..." Todd trails off. 

"How _is_ Dirk?" His mom asks. There's a particular tone to her voice. Curious, but pleased. 

Todd hopes he isn't blushing. "He's good. Great." 

"Mmm. He sounds lovely." 

"He is." Todd can feel the childish whine of please-stop-discussing-my-love-life in his voice. 

Thankfully, she spares him mercy. His parents apparently don't live too far from the airport, because to doesn't take long to before they pull up to their house. Todd's seen their house once some time ago. It hasn't changed. All one floor. 

"Where am I sleeping?" Todd asks. He takes his suitcase from his dad. 

There's a brief pause. "You can either share with Amanda in the guest room. Or you can take the couch." 

"I'll take the couch." Todd mumbles, awkwardly. His sister is unlikely to want to share. And he wishes he had the foresight to ask about this over the phone, to save awkwardness. 

His mom touches his arm in a silent gesture. They're going to talk about what they haven't talked about at some point. 

Amanda opens the door, just as they walk up to it. She gives Todd a 'hey, asshole', as she lets the three of them in. She doesn't offer a hug, so Todd doesn't initiate one. Although it's been a couple years since... everything, their relationship will probably be forever frayed at the edges. 

"Right!" Their mom says, brightly. "Todd, sweetheart, do you want to rest up for a bit? It's late afternoon, so we can wake you up for dinner. You must be tired." 

Todd supposes he is a bit. "Ok, sure." 

"Make sure you hang up your suit, so it doesn't crease." She pauses. " _Do_ you have a suit?" 

"Huh? Yeah, Dirk rented one for me." 

"Did he? What a good man." 

"Yeah, yeah." Todd pulls the suit out. It's a plain, black suit. Maybe boring for either of their standards- as Dirk stated- but as Todd pointed out, he probably shouldn't be outshining the brides. 

He hangs it in his parents' wardrobe, before settling onto the couch. A simple sleep set up was already prepared for him- various blankets and pillows folded neatly on one side of the couch. It reminds him of when him and Dirk stayed with Hobbs, that feels like a lifetime ago now, although most cases feel like a lifetime with how much happens. 

Todd pulls out his phone. There are several texts- mostly from the man himself. Nothing urgent, just updates about the current case. Todd bites back a smile. 

_\- you can fill me in about the case when_ _i_ _get back_ _yknow_ _._

_\- made it to my parents btw._ _amanda_ _here too._

_\- tell her_ _i_ _said hi!_   
_\- and yes_ _i_ _do_   
_\- u need to stay_ _infomed_   
_\- *informed_   
_\- and everything ok?_   
_\- with ur parents??_

Todd pauses. 

_\- it's ok._ _i_ _think?_   
_-_ _i_ _mean it's tense but not angry. if that makes sense?_

_-_ _i_ _think_ _i_ _get it_   
_\- if goes bad_ _farah_ _and_ _i_ _will save u!!_   
_\- talk later!!!_

Dirk's probably at the heat of everything with the case right now. Todd settles down. He can hear his sister and parents talking with low voices in the kitchen, presumably Amanda is filling them in with her wild life. 

He doesn't remember falling asleep, but he wakes up to his mom gently nudging him. 

"Todd? Pizza's here." 

"Mnph." Todd blinks. "How long was I asleep?" 

"Only a couple hours. We got an early order." His mom smiles. 

They head to the kitchen. His dad and Amanda are already rummaging through the boxes. His parents are sharing, but Todd and Amanda get their own. They stick to conversations about the wedding tomorrow, random little updates their life and so forth. 

Throughout, Todd's phone buzzes. Not rapidly, but every few minutes there's a buzz of new text. 

"Someone's popular." His dad remarks. 

"I wonder who it could be?" Amanda snickers, taking a bite of pizza. 

"Shut up!" Todd says, pulling out his phone. "It's probably Dirk. He, uh... he double texts a lot." 

"We've been made aware." Amanda says. 

Todd checks his phone. It's mostly Dirk. But there's a couple from Farah saying she's going to put Dirk on a phone-ban if he keeps texting and getting side-tracked (more so than usual- Dirk flits about even when he isn't distracted with his phone.) and one from Tina telling him about a new obscure band she's discovered. He switches his phone to silent. 

"It wasn't just Dirk, just so you know. He's not like, _t_ _hat_ clingy." Todd says, feeling the need to defend Dirk from potential judgement. "He doesn't have too many people in his life is all." 

His mom has that smile on her face again. "But he's got you know." 

"He's got me now." Todd agrees, smiling back sheepishly. 

Amanda makes an exaggerated gagging noise and Todd is tempted to throw a pizza slice at her. 

After they've eaten, cleaned up and their parents wheedle out more information about their children's lives, Todd retreats to the bathroom to shower and then to the backyard to just enjoy the peace for a bit. He doesn't get to many occasions of relaxation these days, so the quiet is not an unwelcomed guest. 

He gets around to answering all the texts he has been receiving throughout the evening, and listening to the band Tina recommended for him. It's a good band, unsurprisingly because Tina has great taste. One, because she's dating Farah and two, because she's a fan of Mexican Funeral, and Todd lets himself be proud, just a little bit. 

For the most part, he just enjoys the cold, night air on his face. He’s bundled up in one of Dirk’s hoodies, it’s big and warm on him- plus, it smells like Dirk and it’s as close as he can get to the real deal. He’s been shooting random idle texts to Dirk for the past couple hours. 

_\- have you ever been to a wedding?_   
  
_\- nope_   
_\- actually wait_   
_\- kind of_

_\- ?_

_\- it was for a case_   
_\- and it was possible_ _i_ _crashed it_   
_\- the couple_ _werent_ _too upset_   
_\- probably_   
_\- the_ _grooms_ _mother was a little less thrilled_   
_\- going by what she shouted at me anyway_

_\- you need to tell me that story when_ _i_ _get back._

_\- of course_   
_-_ _i_ _still really miss u btw_

Todd smiles sadly. It's only been a few hours, but he's gotten antsy, too. He thinks those two months on the run left a wound that hasn't entirely healed for either of them. 

"Who are you texting?" His mom's voice pipes up behind him. 

"Just- just Dirk." Todd fumbles on his words. His mom pulls up a seat next to him. She smiles knowingly. 

"It's a shame we haven't gotten to meet him." His mom wheedles, in that parental tone of I'm-being-casual-but-I-really-want-to-know-this-man. 

"Sorry," Todd responds, sheepishly. He knows his parents really want to meet the man that pulled their son out of the asshole-rut he got stuck in. He's worried he might have over-hyped him to them. "He wants to meet you, too. But, he's in the middle of this case..." 

"Bring him around for the holidays." She says, her tone is light. "We've missed having you, too." 

"You have?" 

"This is the first time we've seen you in person for a long time, Todd." She sighs, gently. "I know why, and we were upset. And we still feel... let down, that you didn't just talk to us." 

Shame burns Todd's face. "I'm- I'm sorry." 

There's a sad smile on her face. "I know you are." 

"I mean it, though." Todd says. He needs to get it all out before he reaches a stage where he just can't anymore. This is one part of his guilt that he hasn't been able to shift. "It was... it was so stupid of me to do that. I shouldn't have faked having pararibulitus- like, that's- that's so bad and, shit- and asked for money. I should've just- just done college. Gotten an actual job." 

He swallows. "I didn't- I didn't think... of the consequences, I guess. I didn't think about how limited your money was. I just thought it was an easy way out. Might as well take it. Nobody was gonna know and when the band takes off, I can just like, pay it back." 

Todd can feel the tears prickling his eyes. There's a lump in his throat. He really wants Dirk. "But it all fell apart. I didn't think Amanda would- would get sick..." He always thought pararibulitus was rare, though genetic. He never thought he would be directly affected by anything dire, ever. Nobody thinks that they'll be that guy. 

Todd gives his mom a quick glance. She's staring at him intensely. He supposes she's been waiting for this for a long, long time. 

"This doesn't excuse anything but, I wasn't OK when I was in college." Before that, too. He thinks. He doesn't want to make his mom feel like she failed him, though. "I know I should've just... said something." He grins weakly. "I was too proud for that, I guess." 

He doesn't bring up that he wasn't sober most nights. Or that he slept around a lot, whilst he wasn't sober, with people he didn't know and didn't let himself care enough to stay for anybody. She doesn't need to know. And she probably suspects he did a lot of stupid shit back then, anyway. 

His mom sighs and shakes her head. "You're as bad as me." She squeezes his hand. "Happy to give help, hate to receive it." 

"I'm doing better." He hastens to add. "Dirk's helped me a lot. More than a lot. Farah, too. We all helped each other." 

"I can tell." There's the tiniest edge to her voice. "I was so worried everyday about you. Your dad and I trusted you. Your sister looked up to you- you were her hero. She missed you so much when you were in college, and would tell everyone she met about you." 

Todd wants the ground to swallow him. "I know. I- I know. I'm sorry." 

"I'm just glad you're doing better, now. Even on the phone, you sounded happier each time you called. Made me realise I never picked up on it during college." 

"I was a good liar." Todd admits. "And stuck in- in a bad cycle for long time. I didn't really notice it was as bad as it was, either. Dirk kinda like, broke that." 

She tips her head at him. "You're really in love with this boy, aren't you?" 

Todd blushes. "I-um, y-yeah. I guess so." 

She smiles and nods, as they lapse into silence. Todd takes a moment to steady his breath- the worst of it is over now, he tells himself. Eventually, his mom speaks up again. 

"You better bring him to visit next time. Farah, too." She says teasingly. Softening the tense atmosphere. 

"You'll like them." Todd says. He isn't sure if that's true. Dirk's first impressions can be a mixed bag. They'll take a shine to Farah, though, he's sure. 

"Of course, I will." She kisses his temple. "You seem so much... so much happier now, Todd. I'm proud of you, ok?" 

Todd blinks back tears. "Thanks, mom. And... I'm so sorry." 

"You've apologised enough to last a lifetime." She squeezes his arm. "You're doing better. Focus on that. This Dirk has been a great influence on you." 

"He is." 

His mom stands, wincing slightly. "Don't stay up too late. We've got to be up early tomorrow." 

Todd gives a lopsided grin. "Yeah, yeah." 

"Goodnight, sweetheart." 

"Night." 

When his mom goes back inside, Todd wipes his face. He knew the conversation was inevitable and he wasn't going to feel amazing after. It could've have gone far, far worse, although he feels drained, emotionally. But a part of him felt- maybe a small part of him had hoped- they would be angry and straight up yell at him. His parents are too forgiving, sometimes. 

Todd hugs himself, staring at his phone. He doesn't want to be a needy boyfriend, but he also really wishes Dirk was with him. 

Eventually, the creep of loneliness crawls up Todd's spine, and he calls up Dirk. 

"Hi, Todd!" Dirk's cheery voice answers on the third ring. 

"Hey, Dirk." 

Dirk catches Todd's forlorn tone almost immediately. "Are you ok? You sound... sound off." 

"Nothing, just... I miss you." 

"I miss you, too." Is Dirk's instant reply. "Both of our beds are cold. I'm tempted to sleep on the couch." 

"I'm sleeping on the couch over here." 

"You are? Don't you have an old bedroom?" 

"My parents had to sell their old place, remember? Because, because..." Todd's throat tightens. He shouldn't have called. 

"Ok, ok! I know, I remember you saying." Dirk says, quickly. 

"I just had a talk with my mom. It didn't go like, terribly or anything... but, I don't know." 

"I would totally hug you right now. I'm sending you one over the phone." 

There's a muffling sound on Dirk's side. He's presumably actually hugging his phone. 

"Thanks, Dirk." Todd laughs, wetly. "I feel little better." 

Dirk hums. "We can talk about it- when you get back, that is. Or, we don't have to! Just... it might be good?" 

"Yeah, probably." 

"When you get back." Dirk reaffirms. "I'm not a wedding expert, but they go on for a bit, don't they?" 

"Long into the night. And then you wake up hungover after." 

"You should sleep soon, then. Fully enjoy the party." 

"I will, I will." 

There's a pause. Todd doesn't have anything else to report from his end. He's about to ask about the case, but Dirk tends to be quicker at breaking silences. 

"You're wearing a suit, right?" Dirk asks. 

"Uh, yeah? We rented one together, remember? You picked it out for me." 

"Send me a pic. I never got to see you in it." 

"Already going too." Todd stifles a yawn. "Man, it's been ages since I wore a suit." 

"Yes, according to Amanda, you hate them." 

"What? I don't hate them." 

"Apparently, at your aunt's wedding..." 

"Oh my God, Amanda wasn't even born!" Todd huffs. "And, for your information, I'd never worn a suit before, it was a fucking hot day and I was y'know, _five_." 

Dirk lets out a howl of laughter. 

"You suck." Todd says, although there's no bite to it. "I'll call and stuff tomorrow, alright?" 

Dirk takes a moment to control himself. "Yes, keep me posted. Oh, and Todd?" 

"Yeah?" 

"I love you." 

"Love you, too." 

They hang up. Todd stares at the night sky for a long time. 

* * *

Todd wasn't lying when he said he hasn't worn a suit for a while, and looking at himself in the hallway mirror, it's a little ill-fitting on him- best they could do on a limited notice. He's gotten accustomed to wearing clothes that actually fit properly, so he feels shapeless. Still, Dirk would lose his mind, so Todd takes a pic. 

"Y'know, don't people usually send nudes to their significant others?" Amanda says, peering over his shoulder. 

"Jesus- fuck!" Todd jumps, startled. "I'm glad I'm not sending a nude if you're like, nosing." 

Todd's never sent a nude in his life (thank fucking God- people didn't need any more dirt on him), but he's certainly been on the receiving end of them- the joys of being stupid and drunk and various other poor life choices. He has- on more than one occasion- looked at an unsolicited dick pic, responded with a 'thank you very much', realised how stupid that was after pressing send and then hiding under his bed covers for the next two hours. 

Those people never contacted him again, though. Which, deep down, is what Todd actually wanted. 

Amanda laughs. "Do you guys send fully clothed pics of yourself to be sexy?" 

That is absolutely what they do. 

"Yes- sometimes," Todd admits, blushing. He doesn't want to admit, but he also doesn't want to lie to his sister anymore. "None of your business anyway." 

"I think it's pretty cute. Weirdly fitting for you two." 

"Thanks? It's not that weird- most couples don't send _only_ nudes." 

Amanda shrugs before retreating to the bathroom to do her make-up. Todd's phone chimes with a text. 

_\- u look AMAZING!!!_

Todd grins. 

_\- thank you very much._

Somehow, Todd thinks Dirk would probably find that answer funny. He responds with an array of smiley and heart emojis. Mission accomplished. 

* * *

Todd doesn't have much experience with weddings. In fact, the last wedding he attended might have actually been his aunt's. He's blocked that from memory. 

The ceremony is beautiful, as are the brides. And the reception goes well, toasts and speeches are made, dinner is served- Todd has no idea what he ate, it's probably the most expensive meal he's ever eaten, though. 

Todd doesn't check his phone until after the first dance. He doubts anyone would've noticed or cared- but he would feel guilty (is he always going to be guilty when his family is involved? He hopes his self-loathing won't be that harsh) if he repeatedly checked his phone during the meal or speeches. 

He's gotten a couple texts recently. He supposes that Dirk and Farah had the sense to not text during the wedding. The texts are from Dirk. 

_\- hey_ _todd_   
_-_ _todd_   
_-_ _todd_ _guess what??_

_\- what?_

_\- say the thing!!_

Todd smiles. 

_\- everything is connected._

_\- :D_   
_\- did it!!_

_-_ _of course_ _you would. you always do._

Todd receives a flurry of affection in the form of emojis. He gets himself a glass of champagne- he isn't a champagne guy, but hey, it's a day of celebration. 

* * *

The glass becomes plural. Not enough that Todd's full on drunk, but he's starting to lean past tipsy. It makes him mingle a bit. Some of his relatives ask about his life- to be fair most haven't seen him in over a decade. They ask about the band, if he is going to play anything tonight, and if he's got a girlfriend. 

He sheepishly says the band has disbanded some time ago (was nobody informed?), he didn't bring his guitar and no, but he has a boyfriend. 

The boyfriend confirmation has people's eyebrows raise in surprise, but people congratulate him and move on. Todd's surprised that the whole FBI thing never comes up, but he isn't complaining. There were a surprising - or maybe unsurprising- number of comments that he seems happier and more, well, _well_. Todd supposes they are compliments, but he can't help but wonder how he was looking in his mid-twenties, if the change is so apparent. 

Eventually, the flush from the alcohol, has him outside for some air. There are a couple of people out there smoking, but no-one pays him any mind. He's coherent enough to be aware of what his doing, but drunk enough to not really care. He calls up Farah. 

"Hello?" She answers on the third ring. 

"Hey, Farah!" 

"Hey, Todd. How's the wedding going?" 

"Awesome. All beautiful and shit and the food's great. It's all great." 

There's a pause. "Have you been drinking?" There's the tiniest trace of amusement in her voice. 

"A- a little." Todd admits. "I just wanted to call to say that you're awesome and I love you and you're a great friend." 

"I- thank you, Todd." Farah sounds genuinely touched. "I feel the same way about you. I'm glad I met you." 

"Really? You think I'm great?" 

"Yes." She replies, affectionately. "Remember to drink some water, ok? And how are you getting back?" 

It takes Todd a moment, because his fuzzy mind is stuck on the thrill of getting a compliment. "Huh? Oh right, yeah. Uh, dad doesn't drink." 

"Ok, then." 

"Hey Farah," Todd says, because it's extremely important he gets this out. "When I get back, you should have a break. Go on like, a vacation and visit Tina." 

"Whilst I'm not opposed to the idea," Farah says, slowly. "Why?" 

"Because you're awesome?" 

"Oh! Well... I'll think about it." 

"Good." 

"Alright. See you Monday, OK?" 

"See you." 

She hangs up. Todd takes a moment, letting the cold air cool his flushed face. He's alone on the balcony now. He leans against, facing the doorway so he can look in towards the party. He can see his cousin dancing with her wife and various other people with their respective partners dancing along with them. He lets his mind drift. 

A few years ago, Todd couldn't imagine himself in that position. Sure, he's been to his fair share of parties and nightclubs, grinding up to a stranger, remembering nothing until he wakes in their bed the next day, but he doubts he laughed that freely with anyone back then. 

Todd will probably join in with the dancing- he won't shy away from the fact he's actually a good dancer (though Dirk's compliments are probably extremely biased)- and he's past acting like he's too cool to dance to cheesy pop music. He just wishes he had someone to dance with. 

He decides to call up that someone. 

"Hi-iii, Todd." Dirk says. 

"I hear you solved a case." 

"Well," Dirk says, smugly. "I am extremely skilled." 

"Sure, dude." Todd teases. Dirk gives a little huff, although he doesn't sound remotely mad. 

"Enjoying the wedding?" He asks, changing the topic. 

"Yeah, it's great. Wish you were here, though." 

"I wish I was there. I've never been to wedding. Intentionally invited, I mean." 

"You'd like it. Less sweaty teenagers than the Sound of Nothing, at least." 

"A major improvement then." 

"Yeah," Todd pauses. "I really love you, y'know." 

"I know." He can see Dirk's smile perfectly. "I really love you, too." 

"Good, because I mean it. I just, yeah- I love you." 

He can still hear Dirk's smile. "You are the _sappiest_ drunk." 

"I'm not- OK, yeah I'm kinda like, buzzed." 

"Drink water, then." 

"Farah already told me too." 

There's a pause. Todd can hear Dirk stifle a yawn. 

"Oh shit! I should let you sleep. You've had a busy day." 

"It's alright, Todd. I like talking to you." 

"We can talk more tomorrow. Go to bed." 

"Fine, if you insist." 

"Goodnight, Dirk. Sleep well. Love you." 

"As well as I can without you. Goodnight, Todd. Love you, too." 

There's a slight hesitation before either of them hangs up. Todd sighs to himself, staring wistfully at his phone. 

"Man, you've got it _so_ bad." 

Todd turns to see Amanda saunter up next to him. She pulls a cigarette from her purse. Todd's pretty sure it's borrowed from their mom, along with the dress she's wearing. 

"Want one?" She asks, lighting the cigarette. Todd declines. She shrugs. 

"I knew you were crushing on Dirk but like," She continues. "You're full-on yearning for him. You never yearn like, ever." 

"He's the best thing that's happened to me." Todd admits. 

Amanda's eyes widen slightly. "Thought you'd just deny it." 

Todd shrugs. "Like you're not missing your van of punks." 

"Ok, fair, I am." She stares off into the distance. "Not as bad as you. It hasn't been even two full days." 

Todd doesn't respond. Silence stretches on. 

"Did you ever think this would be our lives?" Amanda asks, breaking the quiet, leaning against the balcony. 

"What do you mean?" 

"Dunno. The holistic stuff? Universe shit?" 

Todd thinks about it. He thinks back to the day that started with Dorian smashing his car and ended with some guy breaking into his apartment. That some guy who he has been in love with for over three years. Who loves him back. 

"Not in the slightest." Todd says. 

"I'm glad everything that happened- happened. Despite what went on between us. I'm glad for it." 

Todd isn't entirely sure how to respond to that. Would he do it all again? Possibly, maybe. The bad never did outweigh the good, he supposes. 

"I can have a life again. And you're less of an asshole." Amanda stamps the cigarette butt under her shoe. 

"I guess so." 

"Don't act mopey. Yeah, I still kinda hate you, sometimes. But you're so much better now. And I'm proud of you, OK? You have a life now, too." 

Todd can feel a trace of a smile. "I'm still your big brother, though." 

Amanda rolls her eyes. "Don't flatter yourself. I'm still your little sister, with a lot of dirt on you." 

"Yeah, it'll be great if you stopped telling my boyfriend about the things I did like, thirty years ago." 

Amanda just grins wickedly, as she heads back to the party. Todd lets her go. 

* * *

Todd's a little hazy about the rest of the night. He definitely danced, that much is certain. Him and Amanda goofed around, reminiscent of when he took her out to concerts, and both ended up getting into fights with people at least a foot taller than them- except they didn't get into any fights at the wedding, that wouldn't have gone down well. It was fun. He wakes up feeling like a mix of muzzy, groggy and nauseous, that fun feeling dying quickly. 

It's late morning- early for Todd when he had a late-night party, but late for Todd when he's grown accustomed to early work mornings. His internal clock has no idea what to do with him anymore. 

What Todd wants to do is shower right now. He's somewhere between actually hungover and feeling slightly worse than when he woke from the Sound of Nothing. 

AKA, doing better than his sister right now, if the puking sounds from the bathroom are anything to go by. 

"Not... a fucking... word." Amanda doesn't turn to face him, when he enters the dimly lit room. 

"You handle hangovers better than I do." Todd offers as support. 

"Everyone handles them better than you." She squints at him. "You're... not hungover." 

"No. Cause unlike you, I had the brainpower to drink water." 

"You mean Farah told you too." 

"Exactly." He didn't drink enough, though. He's pretty sure his brain has been replaced with cotton balls. "When are you gonna be done barfing? I want to shower." 

Amanda flips him off. 

Todd has an attack Sunday afternoon. 

He supposes he wouldn't have been able to avoid having one around his parents, but it's mortifying all the same. He's just glad it wasn't during the wedding. 

His dad finds him. His mom is out shopping with Amanda- she was feeling considerably better at this point. He gets Todd into position, and gets him to swallow his pills. Gradually, the attack fades out, and Todd just feels humiliated- he gets self-conscious sure, but something about his parents seeing him like that is... not a great feeling. He knew his parents would witness an attack from him, but it didn't make him feel prepared for when the inevitable happens. He's glad his dad doesn't make a thing of it, and instead, helps Todd walk on shaky legs to the guest bedroom. 

Todd tried to protest- it's technically Amanda's room- but his dad assures him that she isn't going to have a problem. 

"I'll bring up some water and food- if you can stomach anything." His dad says, instead. "You sleep it off, kid." 

Todd sends a text to Dirk informing him that he had an attack, not to call because he's gonna sleep and yes, he's still going to take the flight tomorrow, regardless. 

He burrows under the blankets. 

Todd wakes to someone poking his face. Annoyingly. 

"Wha'?" He mumbles. 

"You're in my bed." Amanda says, drily. 

Oh shit. "Sorry. I just... dad said..." Todd says, heaving himself up. 

"Dude! Stop." Amanda pushes him back down. "It's fine. Dad said you had an attack. I just wanted to tell you I'm leaving now." 

Todd's brain is catching up with him. "Now? Like now-now?" 

"Yep. So, you can hog the bed all you want. Just wanted to say bye before I left." 

"Oh." 

Amanda rolls her eyes. "I spent way too long stuck inside a house. The Rowdies are already outside. I think mom and dad are getting wary." 

"Can you blame them?" 

She snorts. "Guess not. Their likability is... selective." Amanda hums, thoughtfully. "It was weird sleeping in a bed again." 

"How is the sleeping arrangement in the van?" Todd asks. He's never really thought about it before. 

"We have punk cuddle piles. It's pretty nice, actually." 

"Punk and cuddle pile sound like two things that would never go together." 

"Affection _is_ punk." 

"Guess so. Although, that suggests Dirk is, in fact, punk." 

"Punk-selective." 

Todd laughs a little weakly, body still a little raw. His sister laughs, too. 

Gradually, their snickering subsides. After a brief pause, Amanda thumbs at the door. 

"I'm gonna go." 

"Ok." Todd sits back up. "See ya, Amanda." 

Amanda hugs him tight. "See ya, asshole." 

She flips him off as she leaves. She's still Amanda. Under the leather and smokey eyes, she's still his little sister. 

Todd smiles, before crawling back under the covers and sleep off the remnants of his attack. 

He wakes a couple hours later. A quick check of his phone tells him both Dirk and Farah sent him concerned texts, he reassures them both that he's OK. 

The rest of the day is thankfully uneventful. Todd sits back out in the garden, texting mostly. He talks to his parents, too. After his conversation with his mom, it's a little easier- they all feel like they know each other again. Todd somehow feels great and completely drained at the same time. 

He's ready to go home. 

* * *

Todd's flight is later in the day, so he won't be back home until early evening. He still ends up waking early, and decides that he owes his parents enough to cook them breakfast. They are mildly surprised by his cooking skills. He sheepishly responds that Dirk's cooking skills are debatable at best. 

The day passes slowly and Todd is starting to understand what Amanda meant about being stuck at home all day. It used to be so easy for him to do nothing. But now he's climbing the walls. Eventually, the time reaches its destination for them to leave. 

His parents don't arrive as early as Farah had, so there isn't really any time to wait in a cafe of sorts. They linger at the entrance instead. 

"Remember what I said, sweetheart." His mom says. "Bring them round for the holidays." 

"I will. They'd like that." Todd replies. 

"And it was good to see you. And to see you happy." 

"Mo-om. You've said like, so many times now." 

"I'm your mother- it's my job to worry." 

Todd grins. "I know." He gestures towards the direction of the gate. "I should probably like, y'know." 

"Yes, of course." His mom gives him a tight hug. "See you, sweetheart." 

His dad hugs him, too. "See you, kid." 

He parts from them, gives one last awkward wave, before heading back. 

* * *

Todd gets through the flight unscathed. The Universe has mercy it seems, as he did not have an attack. He's now back in Seattle, in a sea of people, trying to spot his family. 

He sees a flash of yellow, and half-jogs towards it, pushing past people, muttering 'excuse me' and 'sorry'. But, finally, he's in front of him. Dirk. 

"Dirk!" 

"Todd!" 

Then there's a body pressed up into his space, and warm arms gripping him tight. 

"Hello, you." Dirk says, nuzzling into him. 

"Hey." Todd smiles, when he feels Dirk kiss his neck. 

Dirk then pulls back to kiss him properly on the mouth. Todd sighs into it. 

"I have," Dirk says, pulling back just enough to rest his forehead against Todd's. "Being wanting to do that since Friday morning." 

"Same." 

There's a presence next to them. Todd squeezes Farah's shoulder. 

"Hey, Farah." 

"Hey, Todd." Farah smiles. "Do you want to eat somewhere, or just go home?" 

"Ugh, home. I am so tired, not gonna lie." 

Dirk takes his suitcase and links their arms, as they head out. Todd leans against him a little- he's pretty sluggish right now and just... he really missed Dirk a lot. Hopefully, if this happens again, he'll be less of a needy mess. Baby steps, though. 

It's a quiet drive back- aside from the radio. For all his talking, Dirk can appreciate the quiet of good company as much as anyone else. He is rhythmically tapping his fingers to the beat of the music and whisper-singing to himself, though. 

Back home, Todd never thought he'd miss the weird little clusterfuck of an apartment that he and Dirk have built together, as much as he did. 

The trio order pizza, and get Todd up to speed on the case ("I know I should be use to this but like, are you shitting me? That seriously happened?") and he told them about various drunken shenanigans that took place at the wedding. Both Dirk and Todd team up to persuade Farah to go on vacation in the upcoming weeks. It doesn't seem to take convincing- Farah bashfully admits that she really wants to see Tina in person and not over face-time. 

Todd was leaning fairly heavily against Dirk throughout all this- the latter not being bothered in the slightest. When Farah says her good-nights and leaves, their positions switch to more of Dirk lying on the couch, with Todd flopped on top of him, head resting on his chest. Dirk's running a lazy hand through Todd's hair. It feels nice. 

"Whilst I am not complaining in the slightest, as you are my preferred choice of blanket," Dirk says softly, not wanting to disrupt the quiet too much. "Are you alright? With, you know... the everything that happened over the weekend?" 

"I'm not happy." Todd says, muzzily. "But I'm not unhappy, either!" He hastens to add, when Dirk stiffens under him. 

Todd shifts around a bit, as if he can somehow get even closer to Dirk. "It was just very like, tiring? I'm not sure. It- it felt good to, y'know, talk about it- it was a long time coming. I'll be fine, just- right now- I'm less so." 

Dirk thinks a bit, before saying, "I'm proud of you." 

"I feel like I'm getting told that a lot." 

"Then you must be doing something worth being proud of." 

A part of Todd wants to bite back 'you're all full of shit.', but it isn't worth it. And he'd just be lying to himself. He doesn't always believe it, but it's slowly been getting in his head and actually staying there- that he's doing better. He hopes it stays there permanently one day. For now, feeling as strung out as he does emotionally, just shrugs. Dirk, however, seems to get it. 

Dirk wiggles a bit under him. "I think we should take a shower. Wouldn't you agree?" 

"You're comfy." 

"I can be comfy in the shower. And even more comfy in bed. Peak comfy. The best kind, Todd!" 

Todd lets himself get dragged into the bathroom. Dirk strips them both down, checks that the water's hot- but not too hot- before pulling them both in. 

It's barely passing as an actual shower- neither are awake enough to really do much other than stand under the spray. Todd presses his forehead against Dirk's shoulder. He can feel him shake with mirth. 

"Did you miss me?" Dirk murmurs, teasingly. 

"You didn't?" 

"Of course, I did!" Dirk says, mock-offended. "I don't like being away from you." 

"Me neither." 

Todd can feel Dirk press a kiss on the top of his head. 

* * *

Eventually, they leave the shower and dry each other off. They don't bother putting clothes on, and just crawl into bed. Todd still feels a little raw from the everything of everything. He's buried deep under the covers. Dirk is a comfortable weight- half on top of him, pressing lazy kisses along his jaw and face- to compensate for leaving Todd’s face unkissed for an entire weekend. 

Todd's mind drifts. He thinks of celebrations and rings and vows. 

"Would you ever get married?" He murmurs, stroking Dirk's side. 

"To you? Yes." Dirk responds, nuzzling into Todd's neck. 

"Huh." Dirk's words catch up with Todd. "Holy shit!" 

Dirk seems to realise what he said too. They both jerk up. His eyes are wide. 

"Were you... were you... asking?" 

"Not... really... maybe? But like-like maybe we should... uh, talk about this?" 

"Yes, of course." Dirk looks dazed. 

They sit pressed side-by-side, covers resting at their stomachs. It takes a moment for either of them to talk. Todd breaks the quiet. 

"So, uh..." Todd shakes himself. "You've- you've thought about this?" 

"Yes." Dirk replies, honestly. There's a timid smile ghosting his lips. "I've thought about our future a lot. Extensively, in fact." 

_Our future. Holy fuck._

"Why didn't you say anything?" 

"I didn't know... how to. Not- not that I think you think this is a casual relationship!" Dirk hastens to add. "Just, you don't seem like... a big marriage person? Marriage isn't exactly... punk." 

Todd considers this. "I guess not. To be honest, I think I convinced myself I wasn't a marriage person. Relationships didn't exactly last for me." 

_Because I didn't want them too. Until you._ He doesn't say out loud. 

"We're in the same boat, then." Dirk says, quietly. "People never stayed, so commitment was... non-existent." 

Dirk glances over to Todd. "But you happened. And I've never felt so loved before and have it been so genuine. We don't need to get married and I don't need a ring to prove how you feel, because I've never doubted it." 

Todd's chest feels fuzzy. The love of his life is killing him with all the love in his life. 

"I want too." He says finally. 

"Oh." Dirk says it so softly, that Todd almost didn't hear it. 

They sit in the quiet. Mulling it all over. Todd somehow feels scared and happy and certain all at once. 

"Hmm." Todd hums. "We can talk about this more tomorrow, when we aren't half asleep. And I can think about proposals and shit." 

Dirk's cheeks are a little pink. "Wasn't this technically a proposal?" 

"Yeah- and it's awful. I have no ring, I'm barely awake and we're naked in bed..." 

"Hardly bad. In case you haven't noticed Todd, but since dating, clothes have been extremely optional for us." 

"Yeah, yeah. But I want it to be nice. You deserve nice. You've always been so good- like truly good- and making me want to be better, like, _you've_ inspired me to be better... I want to do this in a way that... feels right, I guess." Todd pauses. "Would it- if I hypothetically proposed- even be a surprise for you? Wouldn't the Universe like, tell you?" 

"The Universe isn't going to pass me a note saying 'Todd's proposing!'" Dirk gives Todd a careful look. "Do you want me to propose to you, then? You make me better, too. You're perfect and I want to... perfectly convey that, to you. Because, as stated, you’re very perfect to and for me." 

"I-" Todd knows he's blushing like crazy at this point. Him. Getting married. It's a lot. "I think we're starting to massively overthink this." 

Dirk kisses Todd's cheek. "We can talk about this more in the morning. But, Todd?" 

"Yeah?" Todd's voice has the faintest trace of a tremor. 

Dirk smiles sleepily, tears in his eyes, hair damp and mussed, naked and so beautiful. Todd feels the surest he's ever felt in his life. 

"My answer's yes." 

**Author's Note:**

> this whole fic is todd having difficult conversations and being surprised that people like him  
> but i hope you liked the series! i have some stuff planned for the next year and im sure i will write ace!todd again i am v attached to him  
> also i know a lot of people dont think todd and dirk are marriage people and yeah i can see that. but i think its more they dont think marriage would ever be an option for them (not saying marriage is a be-all end-all for anybody)  
> i dont think they would have wedding though
> 
> tumblr is clockworkcheetah


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